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in my past life, i was the greatest player that had ever lived. one hundred and twenty-eight runs batted in. so it seems i’ve been rendered timeless, but i can’t relate to the notion, as i feel nameless.
does our past lie slicked with malicious thoughts of giving in? try to find reason in an endless cycle of subtle beginnings and anti-climatic endings.
to say that death is our only friend is like quiet bullets healing skin. i've been dealt the same hand of cards once again.
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scavenger hunt
04:07
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let's play a game of hide-and-seek. i'll leave forever and you'll never find me. everyone's growing up, or so it seems, while i'm stuck in a scavenger hunt with no one on my team.
i stopped counting the days that were never mine to take. there's no one else to blame, it's me i fucking hate. it's me that ruins everything.
so i built a ship out of cardboard and spit, tied my bed sheet to a stick, and sailed against the wind. i sought to search the seven seas of my neighbors' lawns, but never found love, or god, or anything at all.
i stopped counting the days that were never mine to take. there's no one else to blame, it's me i fucking hate. it makes me ruin everything.
the fairy tales i grew up with taught me nothing but how to deal with disappointment. page after page of ghostwritten fibs. a graveyard of names i lost my faith in.
and when the monsters beneath my bed all ended up living in my head, i took my knife, and i took my pen, and i cracked my skull wide open to see what lay within.
but much to my dismay, as i shook in disbelief, the only thing i feared was little, old me. afraid of my nightmares. afraid of my dreams. tossing and turning, afraid to fall asleep.
and every textbook excuse, no matter how simplistic or crude, keeps my eyes glued to the corners of this room, trying to make sense of a childhood i never outgrew.
the innocence of youth, overshadowed by the pain of the truth.
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3. |
pity
01:22
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in what order did the stars align? in the puzzled peace of the summer night when you snuck like a thief through the cellar door, as quiet as a mouse, and never woke a soul. then blended with the drapes, became a ghost, and spent the rest of your days haunting our home.
from what did you fashion The Ties That Bind you and me together for the rest of our lives? you're no one i respect. you're no one i can trust. bound by nothing but a mother's love.
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the ghostwood fold
02:36
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dear diary,
i'm on the run again, with pieces of forest caught in my hair. the man in the mirror's once more in my head, doing you-know-what, you-know-where.
there is no "my" in my mind. no more’s the apple of my eye. this vacant forest ties the knot in the noose of time. sleep now forever, i'll get lost in the inside.
erase the obvious, i'll be the relief. this slice of heaven is a comfort to keep. undo the past of tragedies to link to the now. if there's ever been a "when," it's fucking run itself out.
i've never been in love, only afraid of it. so from heart to golden heart i'll continue to drift. down the lucky 21 to the low parts of town to find a charcoal smile for my lavender frown.
erase the obvious, i'll stare in disbelief, for the owls are not what they seem. i have tape after tape of documented proof, but once i become the mask, what good will they do?
"maybe if the sky is light when i sleep, my dreams won't be so dark."
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